Tuesday, April 8, 2014

No-Nonsense Chayaisms-Divorce...Domestic Violence...Dowry

 At one time, the priest in the church blessed a marriage by pronouncing them partners till death parts them. Today, one has to substitute ‘death’ for ‘divorce’. In a way, it is good to part company when things don’t work out for a couple. At least, it is an honest confession that they are not made for each other. Many couples go on with the bad relationship, either due to social pressures or due to fear of the unknown after the breakup. It is like having a headache and hoping it will go without an aspirin. Divorce is a personal decision, and no one must contribute to it. But for those who are preparing for it, this is good advice from Bill Ferguson who has written How to divorce as friends.

§  End the cycle of conflict.
§  Heal your hurt.
§  Be free of resentment.
§  Resolve issues effortlessly.
§  If necessary, part as friends.

                 Domestic Violence:
Domestic violence is so primitive. Like the old stone age. It is not a woman’s issue, it is social issue. When God has given us the ability to communicate and negotiate, why resort to violence? Men who physically abuse their wife, women who verbally lash out-are immature and insecure. Violence is not necessarily physical. It can be emotional too. I know of many men who are devastated thanks to their wife/mother traumatizing them emotionally. They end up as drunkards or gamblers. Women who are abused by the husband are more in number and it is a pity that in this age, we have to set up support systems for those. Mothers who use abusive language on their kids also bother me. Even raving and ranting and constantly subjecting them to verbal lashing, is violence. Hitting out at a  child’s self esteem by criticism and nagging, is the worst form of violence. Let us pledge our commitment to non violence- at home and in the world. It is the women who can hold up the torch of peace.  


Imagine buying a bridegroom! That is what Dowry does-puts a price on a man like he is some commodity to be acquired. And women go for it! Even educated women are willing to marry by offering dowry. I think it is better to stay single than buy a husband. With women making their presence felt in different fields and being economically independent, why do they think it is important to negotiate a deal for getting a husband? Customs and traditions do not justify the continuance of this archaic business. While parents of unmarried girls are willing to go overboard to find a suitable match, they find it difficult to be assertive and refuse to give dowry. I think daughters should put their foot down and refuse to marry a priced commodity. Young women and men should take a pledge to not give or take dowry and have the courage to face the consequences-which could be, losing the alliance. So what? Marriage is not the only alternative. I hope parents will become more progressive and welcome a bride who brings in not money but a good education, family background and values. And brides will look for a man who is qualified, has a sense of humour and a family that is not greedy!