Thursday, April 24, 2014

No-Nonsense Chayaisms-Lies...Love...Marriage

5                                                                   Lies:

It comes so easily to us-telling lies. A white lie to save a situation is ok perhaps. A harmless one to protect someone’s interest is also tolerable. But a relationship, a deal and communication, based on falsehood, is not acceptable. One lie leads to another and the chain is never ending. It is no doubt difficult to tell the truth but in the long run, a lie brings more devastation than a timely truth. While going through traumatic time in my career when I had to face a domestic inquiry for alleged misappropriation of some funds, I was advised by my well wishers to deny that I had handled the said amount. I had dealt with the amount but not in the context of projected by my tormentors. I explained this to the Judge of the High Court where I took my case and sure enough, he exonerated me of the malafide charge. If I had lied, I would have got myself into a self woven web. It is not that I have never lied. I have, when I went to a movie instead of attending my history class….when I lost my pen and told my dad I had gifted it to a poor girl in my class….when I tell my grandchildren how obedient their father was at their age… But, as a policy, I would like to tell the truth, even if it hurts me. It makes life less complicated. And you feel good about yourself.


Does love happen at first sight? A sudden flash of lightning and whooom ...baaam... you have fallen in love. In fact, you ‘rise’ in love. When young people swear by their undying love and are prepared to elope and burn their family bridges, I wonder why they do it. Invariably they ponder after it is too late and expect to be forgiven. Someone said all is fair in love and war. I don’t think so. No unfair action can be justified, be it in love or war. Love is mutual respect and concern for one another. It comes over a period of time with association. Love as we see in films, happens within 3 hours till we read ‘the end’ on the screen. How significant! I read about young men/women in love committing suicide because of family opposition. You don’t ‘die’ for love…you ‘live’ to love. You live to learn to love and sing about it. This definition of Love makes a lot of sense-It is lust with friendship. Of the two things, friendship is the far more endurable commodity. And to stay friends with the man you have loved, sexually and deeply, in other words, the friendship that has been well rooted in the soil of your body and flesh is a marvelous accomplishment.

The institution of marriage seems to have lost its sanctity. It has become like a ball point pen-use it and throw it when the ink dries. Men and women marry for the wrong reasons and split over trivial issues. All couples disagree about the same basic issues – money, kids, sex, housework, in-laws and time. The difference between successful and unsuccessful couples is how they handle their differences. Marriage is serious business. It has to be built on trust, open communication, friendship and loyalty. It has to be reciprocal. I have purposely left out love because to me love is a combination of all the above. A husband and wife should be like a team sharing all their fears, hopes and expectations. Only then can they have harmony. Every marriage has many pitfalls but honesty overcomes all that. It is not necessary for a couple to share interests and viewpoints. That is being unrealistic. Each must have her/his space but have a common goal-a happy home. Marriage is the foundation of the family and the family is the foundation of society: if we strengthen marriage, we strengthen the family, we strengthen the children and we strengthen the community. If your goal is to help improve the world, marriage is as good a place as any to start.