Saturday, April 26, 2014

No-Nonsense Chayaisms-Motherhood..Mother-in-law


When a mother dies, she must face Him with her record of accomplishments. If she’s done a good job of caring of her children, she’ll get the most sought-after position in heaven, that of rocking baby angels on soft white clouds and wiping their celestial tears with the corner of her apron.

Look around you and see the many women who have just given birth to children without understanding the nuances of their responsibilities. A mother should be a role model to the child by following the values she lays down. Our children owe us nothing as they did not ask to be born. But we owe them a stable home, the right guidance and unlimited love.

I have been a good mother-according to my definition. I have always been there for my two sons. I put my career aspirations on track 2 till they were ten years old. I gave them a glimpse of the many facets of life by taking them to interesting places and events and meeting different kinds of people. My being a journalist helped. I gave them nutritious food, inculcated disciplined habits and encouraged positivism, I have played different roles as mother, friend, nurse, cook, teacher, maid, and guide. I am not responsible for what they do as adults because I am only Mother-not God! Yet, I think I have done a good job. I am proud of them.   

                                 Mother –in-law:

Over the centuries, mothers-in-law have been given a bad rap. Because of a few that are insensitive, or misunderstood, a whole classification of people is often viewed with suspicion. The fact doesn’t support the bias, however. In the vast majority of the cases, mothers-in-law are terrific. Sure-ask me, I am one! While the bad ones get wide press, the good ones are rarely applauded. It is because evil gets more attention than good. Even Milton in Paradise Lost gives more footage to Satan than God! Conflicts between the interests of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are based primarily on the issue of boundaries in relationship. The mother feels she has put in a lot of effort in raising her son so she has prime place in the pecking order. Wife feels she is his soul mate so has top billing. The poor guy in between (most men are spineless as far as moms are concerned) does not know which way to place his bet. Most Mil/Dil problems get ironed out if the man keeps out and lets them battle it out. But they want to play UNO and end up fueling the fire. Since it is an already maligned relationship, a mother-in-law can never do right and a daughter in law is never right! The famous song goes if your mother and your wife were drowning, you will save your mother because you can always get another wife but you can never get another mother in your life. Pretty bad news for the wife so it is good for women to know swimming just in case they drown along with Mil. More marriages are rocked because of Mil problem than any other reason. Many dowry deaths are attributed to greedy Mil who personally supervise the dousing of kerosene on the hapless Dil. Happy is the home where the Mil and Dil can bond and have fun. I cannot resist the temptation to share what I read about the word ‘m-o-t-h-e-r-i-n-l-a-w. juggle it and you have Woman Hitler.