Friday, April 4, 2014

No-Nonsense Chayaisms- Choosing a partner..Communication

Choosing a partner:

How much time we spend over choosing a pair of shoes or a dress or even a vegetable! When it comes to choosing a life partner, one goes by looks or wealth or status. That is why many marriages are on the rocks. On the day of their wedding, I asked my daughter-in-law-to-be, what she found in my son (they met in Medical school). She quietly said, “I found a friend in him”. I knew he had made the right choice, physical attraction lasts only for a few years but friendship is forever. I think it is important for men and women to seriously think whether their choice will home the same attraction ten years down the line. Other factors like family background, economic equation, social standing cultural diversity and religious leanings too make an impact on a marriage in last years once the euphoric wear off. Contrary to what the romantically inclined would say. I feel choosing ones life partner must be a decision of the head and not the heart. Once the choice is made the heart must take over.


Most of our problem stem from lack of communication. We are afraid to speak our mind and say the politically correct things, keeping our real feelings under wraps. In a bid to please everyone, we tend to cover up issues which grown out of proportion after sometimes and then wonder what hit us! In any relationship, open and transparent communication is a must. It is good for women and men to disclose any past involvement to the person they are engaged to so they can start married life with a clean slate. It is better for the relationship to end right there if either is jealous or possessive than a disclosure by a third party at a later stage. Many conflicts can be resolved by a mature, across the table discussion than by breaking the communication channel. Honest, sincere and genuine intention to say the right thing helps break many barriers at the family, social and professional level. Most people think communication is talking. It is not so. It is more of listening and responding to the other person’s need. This is more so with children. They want us to listen with our eyes-look at them and absorb what they say. That is what real communication is-giving the other person your time and attention.