Friday, May 2, 2014

No-Nonsense Chayaisms-Romance..Self confidence...Self esteem


As teenager, my staple diet was the mushy Mills & Boon series. It gave me a totally lopsided version of romance. I dreamt of meeting the strong, silent stranger who would flip for my smile and after a few minor conflicts, propose to me in flowery language, then gather me in his arms, to shower undying love. Sigh! Life soon taught me that writers have a lively imagination using romance as a ploy to get young girls to escape from the hard realities of acne and hormonal changes. Moonlight trysts, candlelight dinners and fancy gift-wrappings do not make romance. I think romance is a gentle squeeze of the hand….a tender hug…a loving look….ice candy at a local vendor’s…a walk in the rain…a silly ‘miss you’ card…! Women tend to be more unrealistic in that they weave dreams around all this so-called romantic ‘crap’. Men think it is a waste of time and rather get down to business. I have heard of a ‘romance coach’ in US who has a workshop on how to woo women (men are not too fussy about this). He also conducts special sessions on how to understand this nebulous concept and make it work. I wish he would open a chapter in India. Indian men sadly lack the romantic streak.

                 Self confidence:

I am told I am intimidating. What do I do about it? I’m who I am-it is up to the other person to be intimidated or not. I have no control over that person’s reaction or perception. What intimidates them? My self confidence? My assertiveness or my open communication? The same qualities in a man are admired while in a woman they are construed as threatening. I believe in myself and have no ill feelings towards others so I walk tall (though I am only 5 feet nothing). If that puts off someone, I feel sorry for that person for he or she has a massive negative baggage on the back. Shrug it off I say and make friends with me-what intimidated you earlier might just inspire you. Check it out!

                                 Self esteem:

I may appear conceited. That is because I think highly of myself and why not? Loving oneself is a short step to loving others. I look at the world the way I look at myself-full of good things! The world looks at you the way you look at yourself too. I have tremendous self esteem which has stood by me when I went through a traumatic experience in my professional life. I believe what Stephen Covey said-you have no control over circumstances but you certainly have over your response to it. No one can take away from me my faith in my goodness. That is my own treasure, which will never make me go bankrupt.