No Nonsense Chayaisms from the 80s...The terrible trio

The terrible trio

There are some people you should never act smart with. They are the postman, the telephone operator in your office and your husband’s secretary!

Come Diwali, the postman is at your door for a fat ‘baksheesh’. You had better light up your face with a smile and be generous. If you aren’t, you will wait and wait for those letters you are expecting from your brother, the company you’ve applied for a job in and the cheque for your article.

Of course, there are others too who come for an ‘inam’ – like the sweeper, the plumber, the dhobi and the milkman. But you can afford to tip them with a meager amount or shoo them off. But the postman – No!(things have changed thanks to internet,now!)

Then there is that incorrigible breed called the telephone operator in the office. She has all the controls at her fingertips but prefers to spend her time either knitting or reading a paperback. You can bark at her, plead with her, request her – but she will give you your call only when she feels like it. If you act tough, she will either tell you that your number is engaged or put off the caller at the other end by saying you are out. When you step into office each morning, reserve the brightest hello and smile for his necessary evil of the Graham Bell contraption.

And your husband’s secretary. She holds the key to your marital bliss. In some cases, she’s perhaps the thorn in your side – but it’s all upto you. Make it a point to know her favourite colour, her birth date, family problems – anything at all. Invite her to a cozy lunch at home while your husband is away touring. Be hospitable and generously so. Give her a sob story about how forgetful your hubby is and how much you depend on her efficiency to keep him in line…you know, woman talk and all that. Thus having won her confidence and sympathy, leave it to her capable hands, to take care of your hubby.

But most wives don’t follow this strategy. They are always suspicious of this ‘other woman’ in the office. They give her a condescending nod when they visit the hubby; you will not be able to get past this sweet, honeyed voice telling you, ‘Sorry mam, Sir has gone to a meeting’ or “Sir is in a conference”, or Sir is with the M.D’. On the day you expect hubby to be back early to take you to the premier show, the sweet voice is again on the phone apologizing as “Sir has to meet the president”. You know that she knows that you know, she has purposely fixed the appointment at that time.

If you have been more than ‘cool’ to this husband guarder, you’d better beware – she’s capable of telling you a lie that your husband is way, keeping a rendezvous with a lady. All his denials will not repress the niggling suspicion planted by you-know-who.

So, when you know you have to cope with this formidable trio, follow this motto: “The only argument available with an East Wind, is to put on your overcoat.”