Saturday, May 31, 2014

No-Nonsense Chayaisms from the 80s… When women meet



  When women meet
There is never a dull moment in a ‘Ladies Club’ meeting! Just have a peep at one of them! The meeting is scheduled for 4 p.m., Saturday afternoon at the women’s League Hall. The secretary mails a card to all the members, asking them to attend (I might mention that she asks her husband to mail them and as all husbands do, he forgets about it till Friday) and promptly lands up at the venue armed with her file and folio - Around half past four, Mrs Puri arrives, ”Got your card just now I had to make  sandwiches for children’s ten and the butter had to thaw. Anyway, where are the others”? Talking of devils, Mrs.Kamal appears, “I had the cake in the oven and couldn’t possibly leave till it was done“. Lata comes panting as her car had a flat tyre on the way and her spare wheel had no air, so she had to walk it. Suman says she was canning pineapples and forgot the time.
Meanwhile, the treasurer trickles in, smelling of pickles as she had just been making some. ”What pickles”? cries Deepa who is expecting her first baby. “Lime” answers, the pickle maker. “How did you make it”?
“Ladies”, says Secretary in an authoritative tone, “this is no place to discuss pickles, the meeting is about to being“and she bangs the table.
“Secretary”, says a more authoritative tone, ”I am the President and have come. So why do you bang the table. “Sorry“, says  the Sec, “l was only swatting a fly”.

“Fly or no fly, you have no business to bang the table. It’s the President’s prerogative”.“Shall we begin the meeting“? says Vice–President and the meeting begins. “Ladies, the meeting begins. Sec., read the minutes of the last meeting”.
“Forget it” says, Prema,” we know what happened, why go over it again, let’s go on with today’s business, I‘ve got to go for the 6.30 show”. Which movie Prema“? Asks Sheel who sees one every day.
“The one at .....”
“Ladies, sorry to interrupt your interesting conversation”, but let’s get on with the meeting. As no one wants the minutes to be read, we’ll proceed with the agenda Sec - please read the agenda”.
“But l don’t know what the agenda is - you did not tell me“.
“Very well, what shall we discuss then”?
“About lime pickles, I’d like to know how Leena made them“ says Deepa who seems to have a hang up about pickles. “No, I’m not fond of lime pickles so we won’t discuss that, says President.
“Let’s take a vote on it“, says –Vice-President - who considers herself a legacy of the League of Nations.
“Good idea. As I’m allergic to pickles I’ll push off. ‘My cooking gas is over and the chap said he’d bring it at 5 - so see you at the next meeting bye”, and Kamal trots off on her platform.
“Ladies “, says Meena, ”I’ve just become an agent for the National Saving Scheme, how about all of you saving money“?  
“Meena”, chides President “this is a business meeting, but you can’t conduct your private business here”.
“O.K, I quit. I‘m not going to waste time discussing pickles“.
“It is getting late for the movie I’m going, let me know what you have decided at the meeting. Any one wants a lift”?
“l”
“l”
“l”
That leaves the President and Secretary.                              
“When’s the next meeting Secretary“?
“Next month first Saturday”
“Good, we will go home now“.
Secretary picks up file and folio, but drops a handbag with a bang on the table.  
“Sorry”, says Sec, “I did not mean to bang on it, it was my bag”.
“That’s OK“, says President knowing there is no one around. ’It’s only a matter of principle you see’, the Sec, ‘sees’ and they leave.