Monday, May 12, 2014

No-Nonsense Chayaisms from the 80s….Vive La difference

Vive La difference
After the battle of ‘isms’ in politics, Chauvinism vs Feminism has taken the lead. If chauvinists are decried for exhortation and exploitation, feminists are crying for emancipation and liberation.
The men, according to the activists of the latter day ‘ism’, have ruled the roost for centuries and it’s high time they laid down their arms and accepted defeat. Women are on the warpath to destroy traditional myths and social norms that have confined them to a secondary role. They want an egalitarian society where the balance tips towards none “with charity for all”.
Very just demands indeed and as a member of the species, I’m all for it. But I often shudder at the thought of what we women would do if we won equality. What will be our fate if men stopped being chauvinists and become equal?
I’m no demographic statistician who can foresee the population growth hundred years hence, but I can foresee what the world will be like when we achieve our goal- equality. Let me paint the picture of the situation in 2025 A.D….
The world will become a colourless place…advertisements sans all those luscious female forms, will stop attracting buyers and production will slow down…the textile, cosmetics and jewellery trade be hit as women will be dubbed anti- feminist if they look attractive..Bevy of beauties will become impoverished without beauty contests and fashion shows.
Obesity among women will pose a global problem – without the fetching and carrying and slogging that they are doing for their men now.
Mothers-in-law will become pale and listless without their exciting occupation of harassing their daughters-in-law for dowry and seeing them go up in flames.
Slipped disc and spondilitis will become common ailments among women as men will refuse to carry their shopping bags, suitcase and buckets of water.
Efficiency in offices will increase with women taking less leave on the slightest pretext.
With women dropping their surnames, there will be a lot of confusion with Maya the writer being mistaken for Maya the artist’s wife or Maya the headmistress, unless they replace the surname by the name of their profession.
I for one would miss the old order. How I enjoy bring pampered now- when I see a cockroach or a rat, all I have to do is cream and my husband comes in his shining armour to help his wife in distress… all I have to do is look depressed for my boss to become contrite and sanction ten days many gallant men have surrendered their seats to me in buses and trains….
No sir, I want no equality. I like those admiring glances, those “allow me..” gestures and that indulgence born out of chivalry or chauvinism or what you will…I’d rather be friends with the men. How much more useful than being equal!