Tuesday, May 27, 2014

No- Nonsense Chayaisms from the 80s.....Of dogs and madmen

Of dogs and madmen
Everytime I see a dog, I remember my poor dead uncle. His greatest regret when he was alive was that he wasn’t born a dog as his wife was more fond of her six dogs, than of him!
Indeed, l often hear people preferring a ‘dog’s life’ as it has a pretty good time compared to human beings. It does not have to do an honest day‘s work like the unfortunate donkey, to earn its daily bone. All it has to do is wag its tail for the right person and do a few antics before friends and relatives.
“Fetch“, “beg”, “down” and “shake hands“ are stock phrases to which he should react to and have a couple of tricks up his paws, like cocking an ear to the right or refuse to eat his biscuit till ordered to!
I’ve seen people go crazy about their dogs. My friend Usha thinks her Scamp has the soul of Wordsworth as he likes to sit on the window sill and watch nature! She claims to know when Scamp has a headache and thinks he’s very intelligent as he knows just where his food bowl is hidden!
My poor dead uncle’s wife and her and her six dogs are a big joke in the family. She used to bring a couple of them when visiting us and then call up her home to “speak” to the “poor doggies woggies.”
Her daughter at the other end, would hold the receiver against the “doggie woggies” ear while aunty cooed silly nonsense like “my poor little one - are you miching me? –nexsht time, I’ll take you out for a waikie walkie – “l always felt that four legged beings have more sense than two legged ones and aunty’s behaviour confirmed that!
I have heard of teenagers who are so besotted as to have their dogs cuddling up to them at night and even share their breakfast! My neighbour regularly takes her two poodles for a haircut and tie blue satin bows on their head and tail! She even takes them to a studio and distributes their pictures expecting us to exclaim over their ‘cute’ expression! It’s not only in movies that birthdays of dogs are celebrated. Our industrialist friend invites us every year for a party and all his dog owner friends are invited so that the canine collection can have a good time. In the U.S., I believe they have dog sitters and T.V shows are screened for the lovely Dogs.
There was a time when dogs were expected to guard the house. Now, human beings guard them. They are “safely” looked up in the flat and escorted to their morning and evening ablutions. If a bitch, her chastity is jealously guarded so that no alien will contaminate her pedigree. There are some who draw a family tree of their dog to prove the purity of breed and seek alliance only from good families.

As the cliche says, “love me, love my dog“ -the best way to worm oneself into the heart of a dog lover is to pretend to love the darling creature! The master will do anything for an admirer of his pet. Samuel Butler said, “The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too!!”