Nowhere in the world (I
presume) do you find the fascinating connotations attached to the position of a
daughter-in-law. Let me explain.
To begin with, let’s take
the daughter-in-law. She is referred to
as ‘Bahurani’, ‘Ghar ki Lakshmi’, ‘Bahubegum’, and so on. All aimed at making her feel special.
But she has to pay a price for these
high-sounding titles. She is expected to
live with her in-laws and be a guardian of the family reputation. She has to be
hospitable to all the members of the clan and take on the responsibility of
managing the household under the supervision of the mother-in-law. She is supposed to keep minimal contact with
her own family, as she is now the ‘property’ of her in-laws. She is expected to shed her old habits and
adapt herself to the customs and traditions of the family she has entered. In short, she is a combination of a slave
with a Queen’s title!
As for the son-in-law, he
has a very interesting slot. He is
expected to whisk his wife away from her parent’s house and thereafter she is
his responsibility. He is revered as the
‘damad’ and all his trespasses are forgiven as he has done a noble act
by relieving the parents of a burden called ‘daughter’! His in-laws celebrate each visit of his and
he is given a lord’s welcome. On
festivals and special occasions he is given preferential treatment and little
wonder that he struts around like a peacock.
But woe to the son-in-law who opts to live
with his in-laws! From the elevated
position of a ‘damad’ he is relegated to a ‘ghar jamai’ a
derogatory nomenclature. His wife may be
the only daughter of rich parents with a sprawling house and his own abode may
be a little flat in the back of beyond.
Society expects him to rough it out in a poky flat rather than see him
comfortably ensconced in the posh house of his in-laws. He is considered a puppet that has sold his
soul for the money of his wife and lives off the charity of her father. Beyond
living under the roof of his in-laws, he may be very independent financially,
but the general perception is that of his being a parasite. Even his masculinity is questioned under
these circumstances.
Strange are the norms of
Indian society. A daughter cannot stay
peacefully with her parents after her marriage while a son is expected to. There is no common sense or logic in these
unspoken but rigidly practiced ways.
Surprisingly, it’s the men
themselves who look down upon their counterparts who choose to live with their
in-laws. Is it envy, which prompts their snide remarks? Is it a false sense of ‘one upmanship’, which
dissuades them from living in the wife’s home? Whatever the reason, they are
the losers.
No comments:
Post a Comment