Saturday, August 17, 2013

Does marriage end all?

The other day, I overheard a man cribbing to his companion in the bus “Kya kare yaar, ever since I got married two months ago, all my ‘azadi’ is gone.  I can’t even go to a movie!” Poor guy.  Marriage will always be a cage for him, because his attitude is wrong.  He considers freedom as a release from physical and emotional restraints and excitement in life as the ability to see a movie or eat out in a restaurant.
That’s why marriage is not too popular these days.  Girls think it will tie them down to the kitchen and boys are convinced that they will be sentenced to a lifetime of bondage.  Girls would like to work, dress and go out with friends while marriage would mean mundane chores like cooking, shopping and cleaning.  Men would like to go to the club for a game of cards or tennis, have a drink with a colleague in the bar or see a late night show. All these would have to be sacrificed at the altar of duty as a husband.
What we need here is a change of attitude. Marriage is like putty in the couple’s hands. They can shape it to suit their needs. What was good for grandma is not going to work now.  So new guidelines and parameters can be chalked out to suit the couple’s needs.
To begin with, the man and wife should reconcile to curbing some of their movements. This need not be to an extent to cause frustration. Secondly, both could make up their minds to compromise and adapt to each other’s ways. If husband likes horror movies and wife prefers going to the temple, some solution could be found. May be she can develop a liking for such movies and accompany him and he could take her to the temple the following day.  This way, both get to do what they want and together too!
When children join the scene, there is a greater strain on the marriage.  Why should it be so?  The father should understand that he’s equally responsible for their existence and offer to feed the little one while she can attend to other chores. By sharing the responsibility they can get more mileage out of their time together.
Many men leave the wife to see to the children’s homework and dinner and go to the club.  “She is so busy and I get bored” is their argument.  Why not stay and share the activities?  “What will I do while she’s busy in the kitchen?” says hubby and goes to the club to play bridge.
Wife grumbles and curses the ‘evil habit’ of her husband.  What else can you expect but dissension!  How much more fun if he can help out with the shopping and cleaning and take her also to play bridge.  She participates in his hobbies, cultivate them and participate.
Marriage is one of the best manmade institutions, which is not governed by corrupt politicians or extraneous circumstances.  Why not go into it with the motto ‘There is nothing bad in it except one’s approach’.