How
often we hear parents saying such things to their children!(yes,even today some parents do this!!) Just because they
have given birth to them, brought
them up and put them on their feet,
parents have this habit of demanding their pound of flesh. This can sour the
relationship between the two, thus
estranging them. This is especially so in our country where the parents, more so of sons,
feel that they can live with their children and have their own way.
Parenthood
is a very responsible position. How many of us look at it as a commitment? A
parent has to be gifted with the spirit of sacrifice, selfishness and tolerance
for the welfare of a child. After the child has come into this world for no
fault of his! Helpless and solely dependent on his parents, the child tends to
become demanding himself if he finds them indulgent.
Eager
to overstep the boundaries of love and care, parents quite often spoil the
children. Showering them with gifts, putting up with tantrums and letting them
have their way-these are only signs of bad ‘child management’. It’s an easy way
out for parents who have neither the time nor the patience to guide their young
ones. As a wise man said, children need models and not critics. How many
parents set an example to be proud of?
Guiding
and advising a child is a very tricky operation. It requires a deep study of
the child’s behavior, his capacity to understand and his inclination to accept
what you say. Having gauged this, a suitable approach should be evolved. Some
children mature early and take a man-to-man stand; some are meek and like to be
holding on to apron strings. Some are aggressive and need an
iron-hand-in-kid-glove treatment. So there is no blanket solution.
I
have heard a mother telling her 50 year old son to pray to god after a bath!
This shows that parents don’t want to let their ‘hold’ and like advising. A
child is a child, technically he is old enough to analyze and work out
equations for himself after listening to what you have to say. A parent should
know when to acknowledge the ‘adulthood’ of a child.
In
Western countries, children start fending for themselves financially, at a very
early age. This cuts down the umbilical cord syndrome to a large extent.
Parents don’t interfere in the lives of youngsters and vice-versa. Perhaps that
is the other extreme. A parent’s commitment (duty sounds an awfully binding
term) to a child’s welfare is till he is of age with adequate resources-
educational, physical and financial- to make a life of his own. Once that is
fulfilled the parent should be content to sit back and enjoy the ‘fruits’ of
their labor of love.
What
is the “fruit”? A sense of satisfaction in the child’s achievements. If the
child is going to pamper you and look after you, it’s because he wants to
and not because he has to... Every child who has been brought up with
the right values and model will automatically carry a corresponding sense of
commitment-without having to be bullied into it! As you sow, so shall you reap-
as far as parent-child rights and duties are concerned.
If
a parent is unlucky enough to have a wayward child (called ungrateful!) who has
no sense of commitment for his parents, there is no point in demanding a
return, for your efforts. There can be no ‘barter’ in this. What a parent does
for the child can have no equivalent. Lucky are those whose children tend to
them in sickness and distress. To a large extent the dedication they get is the
result of their own ‘giving’ which has been selfless.
One
human being cannot ‘demand’ anything- least of all love and care-from another.
Everything has to be ‘earned’. The sooner the parents understand this the
better is the bridging of the generation gap.
As
for children-they must have a motto-‘Just as my parents don’t do anything for
me to hang my head in shame, I shall do nothing to make them hang their head in
shame.
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