Monday, September 2, 2013

A son and daughter all their life


It’s an oft repeated saying quoted to mothers who have daughters, “A daughter is a daughter all her life – a son is a son till he gets a wife.”  This no doubt evokes a smile of contentment from the mother who has daughters.  Let me cite the example of Veena who married an only son Arun.  After marriage she rarely spent time with his parents.  Her own parents visited her often and she would pester Arun to take her to her mother’s every Diwali.  No doubt Veena’s parents were thrilled because their daughter was still theirs but at whose expense?  Veena would send her children to her parents for their holidays.  Ring them up every weekend, write to them frequently.  Arun, busy with his constant touring and high-pressure job, had little time for visits and gradually saw less and less of his parents.
When Veena’s father fell ill, she flew to his house and helped her mother nurse him back to health.  When Arun’s mother was ill, Veena neither offered to go, nor invited her to her house to come and rest.  Arun was too busy, with his conferences, to go and help his father.  While Veena’s parents praised her for being a ‘daughter all her life”, Arun’s mother had to bear the brunt of having a son who ceased to be one after the advent of his wife.
Whatever we may say about the achievements of women, we must not lose sight of her primary goal – she is the cornerstone of family unity.  On her shoulder lies the responsibility of weaving two families together.  If she has time for her parents and relatives, she must have equal time for her husband’s family.  It is not fair play to concentrate only on her blood ties and let him fend for himself to strengthen his own.
Association is an integral part of any relationship and one has to unendingly work towards it.  A wife must make it her business to keep in touch with as many of her husband’s relatives as of her own.  She can’t have double standards just because she’s running the house.
Let’s play fair – it’s up to us to prove the old adage wrong.  Let a son too be a son all his life.  With the help of his wife.  !