Choosing a
partner:
How
much time we spend over choosing a pair of shoes or a dress or even a vegetable!
When it comes to choosing a life partner, one goes by looks or wealth or
status. That is why many marriages are on the rocks. On the day of their
wedding, I asked my daughter-in-law-to-be, what she found in my son (they met
in Medical school). She quietly said, “I found a friend in him”. I knew he had
made the right choice, physical attraction lasts only for a few years but
friendship is forever. I think it is important for men and women to seriously
think whether their choice will home the same attraction ten years down the
line. Other factors like family background, economic equation, social standing
cultural diversity and religious leanings too make an impact on a marriage in
last years once the euphoric wear off. Contrary to what the romantically
inclined would say. I feel choosing ones life partner must be a decision of the
head and not the heart. Once the choice is made the heart must take over.
Communication:
Most
of our problem stem from lack of communication. We are afraid to speak our mind
and say the politically correct things, keeping our real feelings under wraps.
In a bid to please everyone, we tend to cover up issues which grown out of
proportion after sometimes and then wonder what hit us! In any relationship,
open and transparent communication is a must. It is good for women and men to
disclose any past involvement to the person they are engaged to so they can
start married life with a clean slate. It is better for the relationship to end
right there if either is jealous or possessive than a disclosure by a third
party at a later stage. Many conflicts can be resolved by a mature, across the
table discussion than by breaking the communication channel. Honest, sincere
and genuine intention to say the right thing helps break many barriers at the
family, social and professional level. Most people think communication is
talking. It is not so. It is more of listening and responding to the other
person’s need. This is more so with children. They want us to listen with our
eyes-look at them and absorb what they say. That is what real communication
is-giving the other person your time and attention.
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