It is important
to express your appreciation at home and at work. We tend to take people for
granted and feel disappointed when others don’t say something nice to us!
Appreciation is like water to a plant. It can do without it but gradually will
wilt due to lack of it. That is what happens to interpersonal relationships. We
are quick to criticize but hesitate to applaud. How many of us take the trouble
to thank the liftman who opens doors and presses buttons day in and day out?
How many husbands thank the wife for laying out a good meal or how many wives
thank their husbands for being ‘there’ for them? How many children thank their
parents for giving them good education or how many parents thank their children
for making them proud? How many bosses express their satisfaction of the
subordinates’ performance or subordinates appreciate their boss’s concern? We
all need a pat on the back once in a while and let us make it a daily habit –
of appreciating someone – at work and at home. I have read that a psychological
law of reciprocity says, if you make me
feel good about myself, I will find a way to make you feel good about yourself.
Arranged
Marriage:
This is a
favourite topic for debates. According to the younger generation, love marriage
is better as they can ‘vibe’ well. I think marriage is a big gamble
anyway-arranged or otherwise. There is a lot to say in favour of each and against
both. The biggest advantage of an arranged marriage is that when it rocks;
everyone rallies around to help the couple save the marriage! While in a love
marriage, the attitude is one of ‘you made your bed, so you manage the lumps’!
If a love alliance is based on mature consideration of each others likes and
dislikes and approach to life, it should do well. But if based on superficial
considerations like looks or status-it is bad news. Most love matches are
frowned upon by parents on either side for various reasons. If this is overcome
before marriage, it is good going, if not, it is again bad news. Ultimately,
the couple should remember that they not only marry each other but are wedded
to the family too-at least in Indian society. Considering this, arranged
marriages are more workable as the parents do a background check, look into
economic, social and cultural compatibility- all of which can smoothen rough
edges in marriage. But then, I repeat marriage is a gamble so use your head and
not your heart when you choose a mate-is my advice. As the matrimonial Ad of a
young man read ‘wanted girl with house and car-send picture of house and car’!
Assertiveness:
Most
of the problems women face are due to lack of assertiveness which is the
ability to honestly express your opinion,
feelings, attitudes, and rights, without undue anxiety, in a way that doesn’t
infringe on the rights of others. It’s a middle ground between being a bully
and a doormat. It involves respect both for your own needs and feelings and for
those of the other person. In the stereotyped role that women play as
daughter/wife/daughter-in-law, assertiveness is rarely found. Which is perhaps
the reason why they are stressed out. One of the most important requirements
for assertiveness is knowing what you want in life and the ability to verbalise
it. You also need the courage of your conviction to stand by your goal,
whatever the hurdle.
As
people practice assertive communication, you can almost see that little spark
of self-respect glimmer, flicker, take hold, and burst into flame. People can
sense it when you respect yourself, and they will treat you with respect. And
that is the ultimate goal of assertive communication.
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