Thursday, February 13, 2014

A magazine for men only

There have been a spate of magazines all aimed at women. Some are for the thinking one, some for the intelligent one and some for the bold one. All these tell their gullible readers, how to do anything, ranging from fixing bulbs to making wrought iron furniture to growing strong nails.Armed with all this knowledge, it’s little wonder, that woman of today, is a formidable adversary indeed; especially of the man who dares to throw his chauvinism around!
But, has anyone thought of the poor, neglected male species, which is deprived of a magazine ‘exclusively’ for either the ‘thinking’ or the ‘intelligent’ slot? Sans this privilege, men are feeding themselves on women’s magazines and naturally many of them are beginning to think like women!
Always a torch bearer of this repressed sex, I have an idea – to comeout with a magazine for, the ‘Indian Man’. Some believe that ‘a man is a man for all that’ but from experience, I have realized that the Indian men have a problem which is totally unique and hence, must have their own platform, to speak from.  These are some of the articles which will appear in this magazine I have planned….
Lifestyle: A probing look into the lives and loves of the average male. It will highlight his activities from dawn to dusk, laying special emphasis on the myriad flashes of emotion he has, while dictating to his secretary, chatting with his female colleagues and sipping a cool drink with his girl friend.
Professional Profile: What makes him tick? Does he climb the ladder of success, stepping on lesser mortals or get there zoom….. by wooing the Boss’s daughter? What were his grades in school? What were his teacher’s complaints against him? What were his favourite pranks…. A close, in-depth look into his entire career graph, from the cradle to wherever he is now.
Household hints: what does one do if the shirt button snaps when already late to office?
  • When wife is not back from work, how does one make oneself a refreshing cup of tea with the help of tea bags and cube sugar or condensed milk?
  • When wife is away at work and baby cries for his feed, how to keep him quiet and how to mix his formula?
There will be invaluable tips on making life at home pleasant and bearable, despite having a libber for a wife.
Shape-Up: Is that belly showing more than it ought to? Simple, easy exercise to fight the bulge despite a sedentary job. There will be interesting work-out plans for combining house-work with load shedding movement.
Heart to heart: An experienced counselor will have answers for all problems regarding a) how to tell the secretary she is ‘wow’ and not get reported for sexual harassment, b) how to have a fling with someone without hurting the wife, c) how to get away for a cards and drinks binge without incurring wife’s wrath.
Good PR approaches: you want to buy your mother a sari, but you are afraid to ask your wife’s permission – how do you buy this sari without displeasing the wife? Your aunt wants to stay with you for a week, but you dare not ask her! How to ‘dare’ and survive. A cut and keep supplement, giving diplomatic approaches to problematic situations.
Fashion features: to turn every female head! Discount coupons for after-shave lotions and hair tonics for a more handsome you.
Cookery: how to make inroads into her heart through her stomach… exotics delicacies to serve when she comes home tired. Quickie recipes for dishes that taste like what her mama makes! How to plan a balanced weekly menu for the family. No man can afford to miss these pages – in the interest of his own palate.
Beauty tips: Oh! Those ugly pimples on the check! No girl would like to feel a man’s face that’s like an emery board. Step-by-step guide to getting rid of pimples, scars and unwanted hair. Hair styles to suit different faces, techniques on shaping eye-brows without losing the macho look….all aimed at making a more handsome you…..
  Yessir, it’s soon going to be a man’s world and every thinking man needs his own magazine. They can’t let their women take them for granted anymore. It will soon be on the stands soon. Bible for the Indian male – My only problem is that I have not yet found a publisher  to back this project. All the men I approached were afraid of their wives and were quite happy reading women’s magazines. You see, it takes courage to throw off the shackles of centuries of serfdom!