‘Say sorry when you belch’ scolded the father and
the little one promptly said, “but
papa, you don’t”! In the adult world, the theory ‘do as I say and not as I do’ – might
work, but to a child, living examples mean more than empty axioms. For
all its innocence, the young mind, uncluttered by hypocrisy or guile, is very analytical and can go into the root of a
matter by a simple question. Every moment his eyes and ears absorb what the
environment offers and he emulates the example set. As always, the onus rests on the parents – being the first
adults the child comes into contact with.
It’s a pleasure to see well behaved children. The
tone they use, their mannerisms, their vocabulary – all reflect the home they come
from and their background. When a child misbehaves,
it is natural to say ‘how badly trained he is’. He is too young to be held
responsible for his actions, which
are after all prompted by his instinctive desire to imitate. To a child, the father and mother are models, and he fashions himself on the lines of what he
sees in them. As a parent; how do you fare before his innocent scrutiny?
Children are very sensitive to tone and its nuances. When you speak to your
spouse, your friends, your servants,
your superiors or subordinates, your
tone varies accordingly. Unconsciously,
the little one picks up the same attitude your tone implies, with the respective person. Like speaking to your
domestic staff – are you loud and aggressive? If you catch your child speaking
to the domestic staff in an authoritative way,
you can be sure he has picked it from you! If you find him making derogatory
remarks about any person, it’s
because he is only transmitting your opinion! He’s after all too young to judge
for himself and your prejudices become his,
your bias, his.
It’s a common human failing to discuss one’s boss or
superior’s eccentricities (and by some curious law of nature, bosses and superiors seem endowed with many). The
little fellow, listening to this
gets a feeling that people with some authority over one,
can be discussed this way behind their back. So the first person he can think
of is his teacher. He regales his parents with the teacher’s mannerisms, mimics him and calls him names. From this stems
his disrespect for the teacher and later indiscipline and unruliness. All
because you couldn’t wait till he was out of ear shot before criticizing your
boss.
There’s a very fine story of the little boy who
wanted to preserve the earthenware pot in which his father made him carry food
for his old and feeble grandfather,
living in a hut. The little boy told his father that when he became old, he would also be served in the same pot through
his grandson! Your attitude towards people and your dealings with them is
keenly watched by that great imitator. If you are brusque or abrupt with your
aged parents, be sure that will be
the treatment your son will mate out to you!
How often do you use words like ‘please’ and ‘thank
you’? Do you curb your impulse to swear at times of stress? Are you ‘stormy’
when in rage?
Do you have a nice word for anyone – be it a
salesman or beggar who comes to your door step? Do you go out of your way to be
hospitable to guess who might drop in when you want to go out yourself? Are you
‘mad’ at some unknown caller at the other end who might have unfortunately
dialed your number? The little one is ever watchful and mentally making note of
what you say. Even the best dress looks ugly on a misshapen tailor’s dummy.
Your child is your adornment and shows off your worth in his behavior. Before
you chide him and wonder what’s wrong with him,
peep into your inner looking glass and see if you have been a model parent!
Your child is only an extension of yourself!
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