Tips for spouse hunters

 Marriages, according to the timeworn cliché, are made in heaven.  But, if one were to accept this theory, life can be hell.  One should be more pragmatic and be discerning in the choice of a partner, without leaving things to the inhabitants of Heaven to decide.  I mean working conditions down here are rather different form up there, so here are a few guidelines to go by:

 * To begin with let me concentrate on sounding prospective grooms- before you decide on a particular female, take a look at the mother first.  All girls, however attached they are to their papas, are according to Freud, thoroughly influenced by their mothers.

If the mother is a greedy go-getter with a double chin and a shrill voice, don’t be fooled by the simpering and docile daughter.  Chances are the simper and docility will wear out to be replaced by the more dominant qualities subconsciously inherited from the mama.

If the daughter is pencil slim, don’t go and buy the engagement ring; wait till you see the mother’s size.

So if the daughter you want to marry, till you see the mother tarry!

* Only daughters of a tycoon father may sound an attractive proposition – if you don’t’ mind losing your soul to Satan!  Such girls are brought up to believe that a snap of the fingers is equivalent to a command and soon you’ll believe it too – but she does all the snapping!

Decorative women are good companions at parties.  Think twice before walking them up the aisle.  Go for the I-don’t –care-about-my looks-type.  Such women believe that beauty is from within and make pleasant partners; saves you a lot on beauty parlour expenditure and the shock of under-the mask disclosure.

* Think twice before marrying a girl who says, “I hate cleaning, cooking and babies”.  It means there are tough times ahead as marriage is all about those three!

Be equally choosy if you are looking for a husband.  Beware of the mama’s boy.  It’s easy to spot them.  They have this habit of raving about her cakes and soufflés while holding your hand under the table in a restaurant.

A guy with sisters is good husband material He will be quite updated on feminine tantrums and fashions.  Having escorted them often to pictures and restaurants, he won’t shy away from taking you out often.  Habits die hard you see!  He will also have been sufficiently cowed down by their demands on his purse and you can easily take over from where they’ve left off.

Avoid the good-cook kind.  Such men are very proud of their own prowess in turning out delicacies and fail to appreciate your efforts.  No doubt they are handy cooks when you aren’t in a mood but they can be awfully irritating with their comments on your culinary skills.

While it is good to go by these tips, remember one thing though-don’t be too choosy or you’ll end up searching for the right, one all your life.

Did I hear someone say ‘what about love?”