My cousin sent me a
beautiful card on my wedding day. It had
four columns wherein I could fill the quarrels I had with my husband, what it
was about, who made up and how. By the
end of our honeymoon, the card was filled to capacity and I had to trust my
memory in future quarrels. This was 40
years ago. Today, the bride is luckier,
for she can buy or be gifted with a computer which predicts wedded bliss, and
has a data bank on quarrels, their nature and frequency.
Quarrels are the very
essence of married life. Without them at
frequent intervals, marriage will peter down to a bed and breakfast
relationship. But too much of it can
spell disaster. How does one balance the
right number of quarrels? This is where
a computer could help. How many of us
can afford one? So, the alternative is
to keep a checklist of points, on which one can quarrel without irreparable
damage to either party.
Avoid any digs at each other’s relatives. “Your aunts talk incessantly, my aunts don’t”
or “Your mother is a nag, my mother is fun”. “In our family we never stoop to
the levels to which your family does…”these are just the kind of statements
that don’t have any constructive results.
Why not accept the fact that one has no choice in the matter of
selecting relatives and hence is not to be blamed for their eccentricities?
Avoid comparing your spouse to other spouses- leads to fights which only
breed bitterness, “Why can’t you come home at 5 like Kamla’s husband”… in your…
petty mindedness, you forget that Kamla’s husband is a junior officer while
yours is a general manager. “Why can’t
you look glamorous like Mrs. Puri”? Don’t
get carried away by outward appearances!
Mrs. Puri perhaps cannot make the many delicacies your wife feeds you
with!
So, don’t try to hit below
the belt by drawing comparisons. You’ve
made your choice for better or for worse.
Bickering about it won’t get you far… only to the nearest divorce court!
Money can be quite a pain-especially absence or shortage of it. Many quarrels stem from this. Either one of the spouses or both will be a
spendthrift or miserly. Getting at each
other’s throats will not generate more funds.
It’s better to calmly work out an incoming /outgoing list and see how
best to balance the two. It’s not worth
quarrelling about anyway.
Children are a great source of joy, provided you don’t make them the
source of all your fights! You want to indulge your child
while hubby wants to discipline him; hubby likes the child to be dressed in a
particular way but you don’t agree. This
can be very damaging to the child, who feels like the rope in a tug-of-war! Enjoy your children – quit quarrelling over
them!
So, where does that leave
you? What do you quarrel about to pep up
your married life? Don’t despair. There is always the weather, the PM’s visit
to five countries, the annual budget…if all that is not good enough, quarrel
over who loves the other more!
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