“Come and see
the Pashmina shawl I’ve bought for my daughter’s wedding” invited my friend
Neela. “It’s hand-embroidered and cost
me Rs. 10, 000”.. Out of sheer curiosity to see what a 10 grand shawl looks
like, I sacrificed my Saturday afternoon nap and went across to Neela’s.
The shawl naturally was
fabulous. Neela then laid out all the
other beautiful things she had acquired over the years, for her daughter’s
trousseau- there were hand woven pillow cases, delicately crocheted bedcovers;
lace-edged handkerchiefs; table-line and a host of other things that took my
breath away.
“You know, ever since my Tina was born, I’ve
been buying expensive articles which will make her home look grand” boasted
Neela. “My relatives will be green with
envy.”
It is but natural that
mothers like to gift their children with the best. But should it be publicly
displayed? It is this exhibition that
breeds unhealthy competition and greed.
In most marriages, parents
make it a point to display all that they’ve bought for their daughter, in a
special room. This room is often the
focal point of attraction where the women throng. A thorough scrutiny is made of the items,
some even pick up silver articles to weigh them and calculate their possible
cost.
Comparisons are made to
previous weddings attended and the performance gauged according to the quantity
and quality of the articles on show.
Criticisms are leveled against mothers who have not had the foresight to
buy things when cheap and collect a sizable treasure. It is indeed paradoxical
that women agitate against the dowry system and demand laws to regulate or
abolish them. The acquisitive tendency
in a woman and her desire to ‘show off’ has been the root cause of the dowry business. Tea and coffee can be served in any cup or
mug. But women want to lay out the most
expensive crockery and take pride in saying that it is part of their wedding
ensemble.
Men rarely concern
themselves with these trivialities. Of
course, they insist on taking hard cash.
But here again, indirectly it’s the women who are to be blamed as they
make such impossible demands on their husbands that they are forced to resort
to extortion. Considering the influence that women have over their men folk (as
against the myth that they are oppressed) they should curb their desire to
outshine their counterparts in ‘giving’ to the daughter or
daughter-in-law. Every parent will give
what he or she can to the offspring. No
law need interfere in this personal matter.
But this ‘giving’ is often thrust upon parents which leads to
problems.
More than clamping down legal restraints,
women should exercise self-control on their needs and desires. It’s all very well to call dowry a social
evil and condemn it on the one hand and go to Kashmir
to buy a Pashmina shawl for Rs. 10,000 on the other. Worse still, to make it an occasion to invite
friends to gush over it. Let’s face it, as long as we women make a virtue out
of the vice of displaying our wealth, the dowry evil will continue- law or no
law.
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