The Poor little rich wives

 

 The bored and frustrated Suma, is advised by her equally bored and frustrated friend Sheela to spend more time in kitty parties, beauty parlours and jewelers.  The sad truth hits you – that there are many women who do just that because their husbands are too busy making money.  As a sop, they take their wives to holiday resorts abroad, once in two years.  But the poor little rich wives are doomed to a hollow existence.High-powered executives, business tycoons and men in public life make poor husbands indeed.  No fault of theirs, but the price they have to pay for fame and fortune is their dear wife.

Constantly on the move, signing contracts in different continents or cutting ribbons in various States, these men soon become public property, with little time to ‘stand and stare’ in to their wives’ eyes!  The home becomes a soulless collection of objects d’art from different parts of the world.  All possible material comforts are available at the flick of a switch and servants take care of creature comforts.

So what does the wife do?  Some of them prefer to dispense with cooks and try out their hand at exotic food; some other go to various classes to learn how to grow bonsai or arrange flowers Korean style; some become members of elite social service clubs and distribute ‘manna’ to the needy.

Some husbands do make amends by spending as much time as they can spare with the family.  Yet, at the back of the wife’s mind gnaws the threat of imminent and frequent separation.  No more for her the simple delights of serving him his favourite dish or watching a silly programme on the TV together and holding hands.  Everything is at her disposal but the one thing she cherishes most!

How many dinner parties she has to attend alone, apologising for the last-minute dash of her husband to some important meeting!  So many friends whom she’d like to visit with her husband fall out of her circle.

We women envy the rich wives, their baubles and their lifestyle.  Little do we realize that they envy us our togetherness.  Money is, of course, very important but not as much as happiness at home.

You buy a cotton saree out of your savings and wear it when you go out for a show with hubby.  He complements you and you feel thrilled.  There is your affluent counterpart who steps out of the beauty parlour with the latest hair-do and immaculate make-up, only her friends get to see her as Mr. Rich is not around to see the transformation of his wife!

It’s not sour grapes.  It’s just observation.  Given a choice, most women would prefer the company of their husbands to his chauffeur’s!  They perhaps dream of a cozy evening when hubby feels very romantic, wears an apron and decides to cook the evening meal while they lounge in their favourite chair and say “Hubby in the kitchen and all’s well with the world!”

What makes women work

All this time I thought only women read my columns –. Now I know otherwise!  A male reader tears my argument into pieces and writes that I have it all wrong.  According to him, women work for money and not pleasure! This is where I’d like to say, ‘Sorry buddy-you have it all wrong’.

Come to think of it, why do women work?  Some for money and some for pleasure.  There are some who work because they get to sit in an air-conditioned office, drink fee cups of tea and can be away from the drudgery of housework.

My critic says that women with an educated hubby who brings in a fat pay cheque need not work but can be quite content tending to home and hearth.  How very simple.  What if the woman has talents that cannot be smothered by a bank balance?  Such a woman has to work to satisfy her own creative urges.  She works for the pleasure of seeing her ambition fulfilled.  To her, money is secondary.  She does not have to work to supplement family income, but she would like to find an outlet for her creativity or capability.

It is up to her to decide whether she’d like to stay home and bask in the glory of her hubby and his fortune, or take a breather and go out to work.  It is when she is not given a choice that it becomes repression.  It is entirely up to an individual to decide whether she wants to work or not, especially if she has no economic pressures to sway her decisions.  Surely she will bring more to her work, being a willing and voluntary worker!

Then there are the majority of women who work for money.  Happy are the ones among these, who also get pleasure out of their work.  Most of them are however, doomed to a life of slavery at keyboards or files.  The only glimmer of happiness is in the lunchroom and on payday.

What about the women who are neither Qualified, nor have to work for money? Yet they work – because a job comes easy. They are either nieces or daughters or wives of some business tycoon and are handed a cushy job on a platter. They are chauffeur driven to office to do odd jobs, which someone more needy could have done, and blow up their ill-deserved pay packet on foreign trips and expensive baubles.

“I’m so bored, so I work” say some women.  Employees better beware of such escapists who are neither interested in work nor in money but in mischief mongering.  They should be sent to a zoo to tend monkeys Perhaps that will cure their boredom.

So you see, one can’t generalize and say that all women work for money and not pleasure, It’s more likely that all men work for money only, as they fancy themselves as breadwinners! If I were to become an employer, I’d any day recruit women who have highly educated and well off husbands.  Because I know that they would be working for me, not because they have to, but because they want to.  And if I am asked to fight for a cause.  I’d fight for such women who are forced by ‘well off’ husbands to stay home while they could ­easily combine a well organised home and a career through which they can contribute to society

I wonder why…

I wonder why…

·         Women cannot be graceful about other women’s success.

 When a woman rises to any position in life, her greatest critics are members of her own sex.

“She must be spending all her husband’s hard earned money” will be the comment on one who is seen shopping in large department stores, “Suchi is rich and lazy”, is the verdict delivered on one who is guilty of being affluent.

“She must be neglecting her home and children”, is the criticism leveled against the workingwoman.

 “She must be flaunting her physical assets to get her way”, is the charge against one who rises in her profession.

There’s no way one can win.  If you are meek and submissive, you are ignored and perhaps drive your husband into another woman’s arms; if you are pushy and aggressive you are branded brash; if you mind your own business, you are stuck up; if you mind other’s business, you are meddlesome.  All this from women themselves!

·         Women think of daughters as dummies to be dressed up.

 The other day, I was at a beauty parlour where a six-year-old was being subjected to abject cruelty.  Her mother was directing the operations and the hairdresser was deftly back combing the little one’s curly hair.  After half an hour’s pushing and brushing, the girl had a lovely hairdo any prima Donna would be proud of.  The mother, not too satisfied with the handiwork, insisted on a string of jasmine being pinned like a tiara round the hair.  So, in went more than a dozen hairpins.

 Meanwhile, the girl dozed in her chair and when she was woken up to look into the mirror, she started crying.  “I don’t like it, my head pains mummy”, she wailed.  The mother chided her into silence with “Shut up.  We have to go to the wedding and everyone will admire you”.

 “Mama, I want to sleep, mama, I don’t want to go to the wedding”, pleaded the girl, but mama just dragged her out with a rude “hurry with the dressing”.

God help such little ones.  As long as there are mothers who treat their daughters as showpieces, there will be no liberation from the ‘burden’ associated with womanhood.

·         Women are so preoccupied with looks.

 I met an old friend of mine after 20 years, in the club.  “My you are looking old!” was her first reaction after we discovered each other.

How do I explain to her that the travel of 20 years is bound to leave its telltale marks on the face of a woman?  An 18 year old has the bloom of youth and all the freshness of a budding flower.  But 20 years later, the same face has the stamp of maturity, a mellow glow and character.  Only someone who does not measure beauty by “dimpled chin and rosy cheeks” can perceive all this.

 Women shy away from disclosing their age, and take great pains to hide the markings of passing time.  That’s because they only perceive beauty from the surface.  True beauty has nothing to do with age or its impressions. When I look into the mirror and see those fine lines around my eyes, I say to myself, “My you are looking good!”  More than that, I feel good, for today, 20 years after the roses have faded, I feel more confident because I was a person then and now I have a personality!

Giddy up gals! Help yourself

   Remember the saying ‘God helps those who help themselves?’  Its high time women made this their thought for the day!  Blaming social norms, too many women take cover under the excuse that they can’t do this or that.  This naturally keeps them where they are.  Either due to apathy or timidity or ignorance it’s the fate of some women to have a rough time in life.

There is Nalini who is a young widow with a son.  She is financially comfortable and spends most of her time at home, reading, watching TV and cooking for her teenaged son.  The son feels morally obliged to stay home with the mother when he should be otherwise playing tennis or swimming.  She does not want to work, as she feels no necessity for it.

So, what does she do?  We’ve been suggesting her taking up some voluntary work in a school for poor children.  This will open up a satisfying experience besides taking her out of the house for a couple of hours.  The son too, will feel less stifled.  But Nalini prefers to be on her own and wallow in self-pity and misery.  Unless she decides to give some meaningful direction to her life, there is little others can do for her.

 Prema is a submissive daughter-in-law who takes all the bullying she is subjected to.  She is smart, educated and capable of fending for herself if a contingency should arise.  Yet, she submits to her mother-in-law’s cantankerous ways.  Why?  Because she’s afraid – she has no moral courage to fight for her right.

If we analyse the blight of the exploited woman, we find the underlying cause—a passive acceptance.  It takes spirit to fight for one’s right.  No one can put up a fight for your cause by saying, “blessed are the meek for they get a seat in the local train!”  There is no time to help anyone but oneself.

So, my dear women forget the myth that has been built around you and wake up to the present.  Set a goal in life, work towards it, stand up for your rights and don’t be cowed down by bullies.

Remember that a bully is labouring under some psychological vacuum, which is a weakness.  Strengthen your moral fiber.  Do everything to improve yourself – physically, intellectually and emotionally.

     Mould yourselves on the lines of women you admire.  Start by imitating the person in privacy and slowly gain enough confidence to develop your own stature.  Every time you feel afraid to resist, ask yourself this question “what is the worst that can happen to me?

Death?  So what?  Isn’t death, a better proposition than the slow and painful poison of repression?  Whenever you feel diffident or weak, repeat this to yourself: “it is courage, courage, courage, that raises the blood of life to crimson splendor!”

Giddy up gals! Help yourself

   Remember the saying ‘God helps those who help themselves?’  Its high time women made this their thought for the day!  Blaming social norms, too many women take cover under the excuse that they can’t do this or that.  This naturally keeps them where they are.  Either due to apathy or timidity or ignorance it’s the fate of some women to have a rough time in life.

There is Nalini who is a young widow with a son.  She is financially comfortable and spends most of her time at home, reading, watching TV and cooking for her teenaged son.  The son feels morally obliged to stay home with the mother when he should be otherwise playing tennis or swimming.  She does not want to work, as she feels no necessity for it.

So, what does she do?  We’ve been suggesting her taking up some voluntary work in a school for poor children.  This will open up a satisfying experience besides taking her out of the house for a couple of hours.  The son too, will feel less stifled.  But Nalini prefers to be on her own and wallow in self-pity and misery.  Unless she decides to give some meaningful direction to her life, there is little others can do for her.

 Prema is a submissive daughter-in-law who takes all the bullying she is subjected to.  She is smart, educated and capable of fending for herself if a contingency should arise.  Yet, she submits to her mother-in-law’s cantankerous ways.  Why?  Because she’s afraid – she has no moral courage to fight for her right.

If we analyse the blight of the exploited woman, we find the underlying cause—a passive acceptance.  It takes spirit to fight for one’s right.  No one can put up a fight for your cause by saying, “blessed are the meek for they get a seat in the local train!”  There is no time to help anyone but oneself.

So, my dear women forget the myth that has been built around you and wake up to the present.  Set a goal in life, work towards it, stand up for your rights and don’t be cowed down by bullies.

Remember that a bully is labouring under some psychological vacuum, which is a weakness.  Strengthen your moral fiber.  Do everything to improve yourself – physically, intellectually and emotionally.

     Mould yourselves on the lines of women you admire.  Start by imitating the person in privacy and slowly gain enough confidence to develop your own stature.  Every time you feel afraid to resist, ask yourself this question “what is the worst that can happen to me?

Death?  So what?  Isn’t death, a better proposition than the slow and painful poison of repression?  Whenever you feel diffident or weak, repeat this to yourself: “it is courage, courage, courage, that raises the blood of life to crimson splendor!”