Our national trait
SOME
say it is spitting while others swear it is communal rioting. Though the two
cannot be ruled out, there are some predominant preferences of the Indian,
which place him in a unique category vis-a-vis human counterparts all over the
world. Here are some of them:
Forming
Committees: Richard
Harkness sums up a ‘Committee’ as a “group of the unwilling, picked from the
unfit, to do the unnecessary.” “How aptly said! Whether it’s a service club or
Government department or educational or social institution, we come across
umpteen committees. The members who form these are more interested in the
protocol and powers that go with the association and the outcome is hardly
important. Committee meets are noted for their ‘sound and fury signifying
nothing’ with hours being wasted on ‘minutes’. What one person can decide
cannot be done, ten people will ‘deliberate on, for hours’ and conclude.
Holding
felicitation functions: Deep
down in their hearts, they cry murder, but the guy who has won an award must be
felicitated! It’s the done thing. So, there’s a gala- function and the convener
of the function will mobilise a reluctant audience, arrange for a chief guest
and other paraphernalia. He will line up a few speakers to say nice things
about the guy to be felicitated and the function begins. The whole procedure
will sound like an obituary column and conducted in great solemnity. In a
droning voice, the president will read out the man’s biography, highlighting
his achievements and leaving out his darker side. The various speakers come on
to the dias and add their flowery tributes to the ‘wreath’ and soon, one gets
the feeling that the man should be in heaven and not on earth — what with all
his superlative qualities!
Garlanding Guests: Ministers and chief
guests are greeted with garlands at the drop of a hat. People vie with each
other to get there first and the ADC’s or PA’s stand by to collect the garlands
and perhaps, sell them at 50 per cent discount, back to the florist. Not being
content with garlanding VIP’s, we scramble atop statues, and travel on cranes
to “offer floral tribute” to heroes dead and gone but kept alive year after
year. At wedding receptions, guests carry garlands for the already overloaded
bride and groom.
Besides
flowers, there are garlands made of silk cocoons, sandal shavings, cardamom and
other exotica. These are for keeps to collect dust and revive memories in old
age and oblivion!
Seating
dignitaries on the dais: and
making them self-conscious. It is a common sight at meetings to see a galaxy of
dignitaries crowding the dias. What their role is, no one knows. They look
bored and sleepy each time a speaker addresses all of them before embarking on
a lengthy treatise on a subject. They suppress yawns, resist the urge to
scratch their neck or blow their nose and try to look intelligent while they
are dying to be in the cloak.’
Lighting
lamps: Nothing
begins without this traditional ritual. A good looking female holds a tray with
a ‘diya’ and flowers and kum kum, while ten superfluous
characters hang around the large brass lamp and looking very concerned, while
the chief guest gingerly lights the flame. There is a deafening round of
applause, like a great feat has been achieved and everyone looks relieved.
Whether it’s a seminar on computers or contraceptives, this lamp is the common
factor.
But
of course, the best loved of all these ‘tamashas’,
is the ‘shraddanjali’ session held
for every national hero who dies. More somber than the felicitation function,
but more or less, along the same lines, this is something we Indian’s wallow in
— it’s only our love for the morbid that keeps us from laughing!
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