No-Nonsense Chayaisms from the 80s….Vive La difference

Vive La difference
After the battle of ‘isms’ in politics, Chauvinism vs Feminism has taken the lead. If chauvinists are decried for exhortation and exploitation, feminists are crying for emancipation and liberation.

The men, according to the activists of the latter day ‘ism’, have ruled the roost for centuries and it’s high time they laid down their arms and accepted defeat. Women are on the warpath to destroy traditional myths and social norms that have confined them to a secondary role. They want an egalitarian society where the balance tips towards none “with charity for all”.

Very just demands indeed and as a member of the species, I’m all for it. But I often shudder at the thought of what we women would do if we won equality. What will be our fate if men stopped being chauvinists and become equal?

I’m no demographic statistician who can foresee the population growth hundred years hence, but I can foresee what the world will be like when we achieve our goal- equality. Let me paint the picture of the situation in 2025 A.D….

The world will become a colourless place…advertisements sans all those luscious female forms, will stop attracting buyers and production will slow down…the textile, cosmetics and jewellery trade be hit as women will be dubbed anti- feminist if they look attractive..Bevy of beauties will become impoverished without beauty contests and fashion shows.

Obesity among women will pose a global problem – without the fetching and carrying and slogging that they are doing for their men now.

Mothers-in-law will become pale and listless without their exciting occupation of harassing their daughters-in-law for dowry and seeing them go up in flames.

Slipped disc and spondilitis will become common ailments among women as men will refuse to carry their shopping bags, suitcase and buckets of water.

Efficiency in offices will increase with women taking less leave on the slightest pretext.

With women dropping their surnames, there will be a lot of confusion with Maya the writer being mistaken for Maya the artist’s wife or Maya the headmistress, unless they replace the surname by the name of their profession.

I for one would miss the old order. How I enjoy bring pampered now- when I see a cockroach or a rat, all I have to do is cream and my husband comes in his shining armour to help his wife in distress… all I have to do is look depressed for my boss to become contrite and sanction ten days leave..how many gallant men have surrendered their seats to me in buses and trains….

No sir, I want no equality. I like those admiring glances, those “allow me..” gestures and that indulgence born out of chivalry or chauvinism or what you will…I’d rather be friends with the men. How much more useful than being equal!     

No-Nonsense Chayaisms from the 80s… The return of the prodigal

At last the eagerly anticipated day dawns…our son comes home for his holidays for the first time from the medical college hostel….

Hectic preparations have been on for weeks….Many programmes have been planned for his amusement. Dust laden cookery books come out and I frantically try to perfect my lemon soufflés and apple pie….Spring cleaning his room is back-breaking….dog-eared comics – broken compass – chewed off pencils…I ring up my friends and tell them to leave us alone for a fortnight….we want to have our son all to ourselves!

I ring up the station six times to find out train timings…Hubby goes to the car and checks air and gas…a few trips to the bathroom to make sure there is enough hot water…a peep into the kitchen to ensure the food is steaming…a final look around his room to see that it is cosy and his blow-ups are in place….

As the train steams in, we frantically search all the doorways and windows for the first glimpse of the prodigal’s face – ah! there he is! “Hi mom, Hi dad!” a bear hug…a peck on the cheek…enough to gladden a sentimental parent’s heart!

On the way home, incessant chatter about college….dead bodies…jokes on skeletons disco-ing on rooftops….accounts of ragging…complaints about food…. We just listen – avidly absorbing the sound of a much missed voice.

The room, so carefully tidied – becomes a refugee dump – out spills heaps of dirty linen….books strewn around and a couple of bones appear on the study table. Carefree whistling accompanies the blaring of music sans melody from the so-far-silent system…the bathroom is a puddle of mucky water…soap suds on the mirror and wet bath towel trailing on the stand.

“Ah! food!”….and a dash to the dining table…everything is piled on the plate and gobbled up, punctuated with m-m-m’s and ‘yummys’…the telephone tings- ‘hi yaar… a half hour conversation with an old school pal  - it goes on…guffaws and jokes and nonsense (to us!) on the phone, for hours…

“Mom, will be back soon’…the door bangs and he’s off – gallivanting with the cronies…

More days like this and all too soon we are seeing him off at the station. Bags packed with freshly laundered clothes, repaired books and even a well rinsed “bone”. A boxful of “goodies” to be shared with ravenous room-mates… A smiling face peeps out from the speeding window and a frantic wave as the train steams out…Another long wait for the next visit when I can have my son all to myself! Oh! To be a mother!!

No-Nonsense Chayaisms-Woman Vs Woman

Woman Vs woman:   

It is a cliché but unfortunately true – out of every ten women haters, nine are women themselves. Let me quote views of another woman as they perfectly reflect my own. 

* Why do we resent, rather than emulate, women whom we perceive to be more powerful than ourselves? Many of us see beautiful, successful women as a threat. We need to congratulate them for their achievements rather than seek out any of their potential flaws.

* While collectively we are very intelligent, compassionate creatures, we don’t always act that compassionate towards each other. Some of us need to stop feeling like women who have achieved a certain position of prominence and reached it through manipulation. Believe it or not, women do not typically “sleep their way to the top.”

* We already have men saying that we have mood swings and that we are the strangest things made on this earth. I deeply and truly feel that we need to look at ourselves and ask why we are so frequently in completion with each other.

Another College student writes-

* Other women become our outlet for the frustrations we face in society. We squabble for the few positions allotted to us instead of working together to create more.

Instead of working together we set out to beat each other, and in the process, we all lose.

I sign off my jottings with this thought – Domestic violence, dowry harassment, depression – all this could be minimized if women can be supportive, be genuine friends and facilitate the success of each other. We can do this only if we think alike and move as a team.

“Always a woman must be stranger than the most terrible circumstance. Through us, the women of the world, only through us can everything survive. An image comes to me. I see generations of women bearing a flame. It is hidden, buried deep within, yet they are handing it down from one to another, burning. It is a gift of fire, transported from a world far off and far away, but never extinguished. And now, in this very moment, my mother imparts the care of it to me. I must keep it alive, I must manage and to be consumed by it, I must hand it on when the time comes to my daughter.”      

No-Nonsense Chayaisms-Work..Worry

Work:

Voltaire said that work keeps a person away from 3 maladies – vices, boredom, and poverty. Work is the only activity which you can engage in for over 8 hours and not feel bored! Actually, working is more fun than having fun. It depends on your attitude to it. If you work because you have to and have no interest in what you are doing, you are going to be miserable. But if you develop either a commitment or a liking for the work you are doing, the satisfaction you get beats the strain. What is important is sincerity. I enjoy my work whether it is cooking or writing or speaking or cleaning – I do it with the larger picture in view. Having worked for over three decades in different fields like teaching, advertising, Public relations and journalism, I have found that most people bring to the workplace a lot of negative baggage. This results in interpersonal problems which translate to frustrations and depression. The joy of working lies in ones attitude to ones assigned duties. Either you do it with fervor or quit. Either you enjoy it or stop cribbing. On the other hand you have workaholics who think they are indispensable and mess up their personal life. Work becomes interesting when you bring to it your own ideas and you are willing to accept responsibilities for tasks outside your scope of work. Going that extra mile gives you the fun you are looking for in work. Being pro-active, taking the imitative to do things without being told and having a positive attitude all these are the hall marks of a satisfying work life. I have fun working even without an honorarium, as Trustee of Guild of Women Achievers...NGO I founded in 1996

            Worry:

A sure way to get ulcer is to worry (hurry and hot curry can make it worse!). Why do we worry?  I guess it is because we take ourselves too seriously. We believe that we make things happen and if we don’t, the world will come to an end. Actually, it is simple. You can either do something about a problem or you cannot. If you can, then do it. If you cannot, then there is nothing much you can do, so why worry? During exams, it is a better idea to study than worry about results. If you are out of a job, it makes more sense to scour appointment pages to try and find one than worry. If you want more money, it is time to work harder and earn it rather than worry. If you cannot afford something, it is wise to do without it than worry. As human beings, we all have problems either self created or contributed by others. Worrying about them only multiplies the stress. Looking the problem in the eye and finding the most viable solution is a better way of handling it. Using your brain power to find solutions rather than drain it by worrying, seems a sensible strategy. So, stop worrying start living.