No-Nonsense Chayaisms-Women exploited in Media?...Working women

                      

  Women exploited in media?:

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? This is how one can question the depiction of women in media. Does a woman go for it or is it the media which exploits her? Twenty years ago, I interviewed a famous model who was known for showing off her body in skimpy clothes on calendars and posters for a liquor company. Women’s organizations were up in arms about her exposure. Her answer was, ‘It’s my body; I will do what I want to, with it’. That in a nutshell, sums up why women are depicted the way they are in the media. It’s their choice-the women’s I mean. In cinema, women are treated like dumb, decorative dolls, clothed or otherwise to suit the director’s fancy. Even the beautiful and talented ones are ready and willing to bare all for big bucks. Models are eager to walk down the ramp in revealing clothes or pose for pictures seductively to advertise cars ! Rape and romantic scenes in cinema treat women as Barbie dolls and actresses are more than willing to be mauled and manhandled by the villains. Who is forcing them? If they do not want to do it, automatically the force will shift to their talent. Till these women decide to respect their body and refuse to be used anyway, the women’s movement will not go forward to break the stereotyping of women as commodities. No one can help willing victims.

            Working women:

All women are working women but we tend to label only those who have a paid job outside the home as ‘working women’. Women make up 45 percent of the world’s workforce. Yet women account for 70 percent of the world’s population living in poverty. Depressing statistics but I will not dwell on that aspect. In fact, there are many issues like why women don’t help other working women. Managerial mimicry (trying to imitate the style of male colleagues, just to be accepted by them), glass ceiling, sexual harassment, discrimination, equal opportunity etc,. Having been a working woman for over thirty years, I have noticed that successful women rarely facilitate the success of other women. On the other hand, you can expect help. Support from male colleagues while female counterparts can be vicious. When I was targeted for dismissal by the management in Public Sector Undertaking where I was a Deputy General Manager, not one female colleague spoke up for me. Nor did the organization for women in Public Sector, take cognizance of the harassment meted out to me and help me out. I had to battle it out myself. Naturally, it is difficult for women to break the glass ceiling and get ahead, unless you play the game the man’s way. For some, the board room door is via a bedroom and hats off to some who have made it to the top, without taking short cuts. There are some women who have had to compromise with their career growth, thanks to a possessive husband and selfish family members. A troubling phenomenon is that competent women are often penalized or hounded. That is why it is important for working women to join women’s organizations. Women’s groups offer a safe environment to share concerns and exchange ideas. They provide development services as well as emotional support on a formal and informal basis. Guild of Women Achievers (GOWA) is my contribution to this need.

No-Nonsense Chayaisms -Vanity..Women

                   Vanity:

      

Remember the story of Snow White whose stepmother has this ‘mirror mirror on the wall?’ Shakespeare said ‘vanity thy name is woman’. I think this is the weakness of a woman... vanity. If women spent as much time in self development as they do in beauty parlours, there would be a tremendous change in their inner beauty which is more to be vain about than trimmed eyebrows and rosy red lips. It is vanity that makes women get into clothes that burst at the seams, wear weird hairdos, load themselves with jewelry and show off their physical assets. Even school and college girls spend more time before the mirror than looking within to see and focus on competencies. I was shocked to see in toy stores in US, ‘dress up kits’ for girls-with tiaras, princess wear and other baubles. There are Barbie make up kits too. It is high time women stopped looking at themselves as decorative pieces and take themselves seriously. The fashion gurus will be out of business no doubt but at least women will have little reason to complain that men look at them as commodities to be enjoyed.

                   Women:

Women have been erased, stomped, and buried for centuries – this is the opinion of a western woman. I would say that Indian women have been erased, stomped, buried and revered for centuries. To a large extent, women have been responsible for all this, themselves and that was because they had no support from each other. They had so much jealousy and suspicion dividing them that they allowed the men to take over and make use of this chasm. Things have not changed much though women have come out of the burial ground. They continue (at least most of them) to let themselves be erased and stomped and are no more revered like their predecessors were. While battling for supremacy in a male dominated world, we have left behind something even more precious-femininity. We are forcing ourselves out of the shell we were in and as it cracks, the edges hurt us, leaving us bleeding. It is great to be a woman and not feel self conscious about some of the responsibilities that go with it. Cooking and housekeeping are certainly top on the list! No getting away from those. Rearing children comes next and all else follows. If we can make a go of the various roles, we are ‘revered’. If we try to compete with men and put our own core competencies on the burner, we end up ‘erased and stomped’. I think we should heed what Joan Baez said, Instead of getting hard ourselves and trying to compete, women should try to give their best qualities to men – bring them softness, teach them how to cry.                    

No-Nonsense Chayaisms-The Other Woman...Time...Unity

         The other woman:

Why do women make a pitch for married men? Or why do married women step out of the boundaries of matrimony? The same goes for men but what they do is none of my business! What concerns me is the role of women in breaking up a home-happy or otherwise. Many women come to me for counseling on coping with the ‘other woman’ hacking away at their marriage and I see red. In a civilized society, the first rule to follow should be to leave married couples alone to live their life in harmony. If they split because of their personal problems, it is up to them. No other woman should contribute to the break up. I am amazed at the number of extra marital relationships that are ruining families and making children dysfunctional. I have no time for such women. The ‘other woman’ is a narcissistic sex worker with no knowledge of true love.

                                   Time:

Time is a great healer but a lousy beautician! With that light look at time, it is high time we take a serious look at it. Everyone around seems to be in a hurry-for what? Time alone will tell. Women are experts in time management as they can juggle multi tasks with equal aplomb. But they do not value the time they spend in many unproductive activities in the name of household chores. With multiple roles they play, women must chill out a bit and learn to use time saving devices to make life more comfortable and get optimum results out of their effort. The core principle in time management is concentrate on results, not on being busy. We think that if we are involved in a frenzy of activity, we achieve a great deal but not so-till we concentrate on the right things and do them at the right time. I meet many women who waste away many precious hours in idle gossip or watching TV or just napping. If only they would pull up their socks and use their time fruitfully what a boost to the National economy.

                                Unity:

What we woman lack is unity. It is a man’s world because they hang out together and work as a team. Women are not able to have the team spirit thing going even at the family level. At work, men will facilitate the growth of their colleagues even if they hate each others guts. They do it because they know the favour will be returned. Women, even those in high positions, do not make any effort to help their female counterparts come up. They are afraid they will be branded as ‘feminists’ and make them less popular with the men. Men are aware of this weakness and use the ‘divide and rule’ policy instigating rivalry and fueling jealousy. Women succumb so easily to this ploy! Expressing anger toward a woman in a position of power is really expressing anger at ourselves for not having that position ourselves. Instead of berating the woman who has it, we need to achieve that potion ourselves. In the meantime, we need to support and not condemn each other. This is the only way we can truly come together as one to truly conquer all.

No-Nonsense Chayaisms -Stress...Suicide...TV Viewing

                        Stress:

At one of the training programmes on stress management for women employees of a bank, I asked them to write out some of the factors that causes stress. 90% of them mentioned ‘children and husband’. The same exercise with male employees, cited interpersonal relations at work and time as stress producing.What should give joy,is creating stress! Isn't that ironic! Stress is an acronym for the following:

S- spouse

T-time

R-relationships

E-emotions

S-siblings

S-social norms

If we do not manage any of the above with maturity and wisdom, we are going to be highly stressed out. Meditation and yoga may help but what is more effective is diagnosing the cause and treating it rather than brushing it aside and breathing through the left nostril or standing on ones head.     

                                Suicide:

There is a saying in hindi – jaan hai tho jahan hai. It means, when there is life there is hope. When you don’t take care of depression, it takes over your mind and suicide could be the way out. But it is a coward’s way out. It leaves behind a lot of devastation in the family. The person who commits suicide, exits out of a problem but those who are left behind have to battle with a lot worse-the problem plus the guilt of not having prevented it. Grief over a natural death can be overcome over a period of time but the loss of a loved one to self inflicted death, is irreparable. Those with a suicidal tendency should seek help at the initial stage and make an effort to overcome it. Just bottling up ones disappointments or expectations, does not open doors to understanding the situation. There are many support groups which help persons scope with such problems but they have to first help themselves. Even God helps only those who help themselves. When you feel depressed or suicidal, just go to the nearest place of worship-any faith. He is there for you-waiting to heal you.

                          TV viewing:

Many people swear against TV viewing. I love watching TV and soaps-no, not as idle entertainment but as a close look at life. We all cannot live out mistakes and learn from them, we can always find alternatives to life’s problems in these little episodes that enter our drawing room. The characters represent the people we meet and the situations are drawn from real life though exaggerated to dramatise, I find the human emotions and dynamics portrayed in these seemingly mindless serials, very educative. It is like a daily glimpse into the realities of life around me and a warning to keep away from trouble that could come from anywhere. Thank God for TV!