I had a very thought-provoking discussion with my
18-year-old nephew the other day. He was telling me the reason why his eighth
girlfriend broke away. He looked and sounded relieved about the whole thing and
decided to take a break for six months before acquiring another girlfriend.
What amazed me was his nonchalant attitude and his
confidence in being able to make friends with a girl on his terms. “don’t the
girls shun you, with your reputation for being a Cas?” I asked him, using his
lingo.
“You think girls are that smart?” He asked disdainfully. “you women might have
progressed in all fields but when it comes to emotions you are suckers!.”
So young and so wise! “Now see aunty, when I like a
girl a little more than the others, I’d like to seek her company and all’s
fine. But when she starts slobbering things like ‘why did you ring up Suman’?
or when did you start loving me? I get pissed off. Dash it, why cant girls
accept a fun relationship instead of bringing in all this sentimental baloney
and I – possess-you-kind-of attitude?” I secretly agreed with him but surely,
couldn’t let down the side! “Girls are more constant than you are,” I said.
“For God’s sake, who wants constancy now?” he
exploded, “honestly aunty, all this about being faithful etc., is for wives and
husbands. I think girls are rum. If they start reading less of Mills &Boon
they will have more sense in their heads.”
“But”, I intervened, “if they had more sense, they
wouldn’t be fooled by you.” By this time the discussion had moved from the
personal to the academic.
“Emotional suckers” – that’s what we women are and
that is what has kept us cloistered all these years. We get bogged down by our
own sentiments, which draw out parameters for our behaviour. We feel we must
give emotionally every ounce of us, when we get into a relationship. We expect
the same kind of surrender from the man, which he resists. This results in
break-ups and bitterness.
Our inhibitions are dictated by our own perceptions
of our role as women. We see ourselves in the light of the women we read about
– Sita, Savitri, Draupadi and Damayanthi
who tolerated a lot of misery for the sake of their husbands. But we fail to
see in their character the resilience, the willpower and the staying power,
which is what womanhood, is about.
Like my nephew said, we get taken in by sweet
nothings and moonlight promises. We don’t have the pragmatism to put them down
to atmosphere and see things in their right perspective.
As long as we have this weakness, men will exploit
us. I think we still have a long way to go – we have to strengthen our
emotional fibre and not break down when the boyfriend seeks fresher pastures.
After all, relationships are like ships that pass by
in the night. The only lasting ties are those woven by marriage and family.
Meanwhile, it is better to keep in tact that one thing which is invaluable-
virginity.Because we are worth it!
wow i totally agree with you.. and i have noticed that most of the girls today are confident and are conscious about their individuality in their before-marriage-love-lives. I know few couples where the guy is emotional while the girl is practical hehehe.. `welcome to 21st century. Nice blog... I too hav rekindled my old blog here ruhibhatnagar.blogspot.in. Please do visit :)
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